Perché proprio a me?

I giorni successivi alla diagnosi sono stati i più difficili e più bui di tutta la mia vita. Ero al secondo ciclo di cortisone, 5 giorni di flebo e tre settimane di compresse, non avevo più vene da prendere, mi si rompevano tutte. Per l’ultima flebo riuscirono a prendermi solo la vena sul piede! Mi sentivo stremata, non tanto per buchi e i lividi che avevo sul corpo ma da tutto quello che stavo passando. In testa avevo solo una domanda “perché proprio a me?

Il tempo mi ha aiutata a capire che non avrei mai ottenuto una risposta e anche se l’avessi avuta non sarebbe cambiato assolutamente niente, la Sclerosi Multipla c’era e me la dovevo tenere. Ricordo che in quei giorni a casa non parlavo molto, passavo ore in camera a fissare il soffitto pensando a cosa fare; la Neurologa mi aveva lasciato qualche giorno per pensare se intraprendere o meno una terapia, mi aveva elencato tutte le possibili cure adatte al mio caso e allo stesso tempo mi aveva comunicato che qualora non avessi voluto intraprendere nessun tipo di trattamento mi sarebbe stata accanto con molta più frequenza.

Direte “cosa c’è da pensare?” e ad oggi lo direi anche io ma tutte le terapie avevano una cosa in comune: gli AGHI! Non erano semplici pillole ma dovevo farmi punture con un auto iniettore sotto cute, ovviamente la più indicata per me consisteva nel fare una puntura al giorno, sette giorni su sette. Non ho mai avuto la fobia per gli aghi ma solo il pensiero mi innervosiva, dovevo stare attenta a lasciare le punture in frigo, toglierle un’ora prima dell’iniezione d’inverno, mezz’ora prima d’estate, scegliere un orario e mantenere sempre quello poiché tra una puntura e l’altra dovevano passare 24 ore e se uscivo nelle ore in cui dovevo prendere il farmaco ero costretta a portarmi la borsa frigo in giro.

Anche i miei genitori mi lasciarono massima libertà di scelta, non dissero niente, non si facevano vedere preoccupati ma so per certo che in quei giorni stavano incassando il colpo, silenziosamente…

Ogni persona nella propria vita redige un piano futuro costituito da sogni, progetti, aspirazioni e la Sclerosi Multipla mi ha costretta a interrompere e cambiare tutti i piani che avevo immaginato e creato con tanta fatica.

Non so dire esattamente quanti giorni sono passati prima di arrivare ad essere consapevole di quello che mi stava succedendo ma ad un tratto ho capito che non potevo fare niente se non “accettare” la malattia. Accettare è un parolone, ma cos’altro potevo fare? Ero io contro un mostro più grande di me, DOVEVO imparare a conviverci. La cosa che spaventa di più di questa malattia è che non la puoi controllare, è imprevedibile, silenziosa e si manifesta di punto in bianco senza preavviso.

Sono da sempre una persona molto solare, con il sorriso stampato sul volto, amo la vita e proprio per questo non potevo permettere alla malattia di cambiarmi. Ho imparato ad apprezzare tutto della vita, non do più niente per scontato.

Il TEMPO è troppo importante, bisogna godersi ogni cosa a pieno.

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