Devo dirti una cosa…

Accettare di dover convivere con la Sclerosi Multipla per tutta la vita è difficile, rivelarlo al  proprio fidanzato o alla persona che stiamo frequentando lo è ancora di più. La paura del rifiuto, del distacco o degli sguardi di compassione quasi ci immobilizzano. 

Negli anni ho potuto guardare, assistere e a volte gustare la reazione della persona che avevo difronte una volta rivelata la malattia. 

Ci sono stati i superficiali, quelli del “vabbè ma non hai niente, cammini!!”, c’è stato chi ha pianto insieme a me mentre raccontavo cosa mi fosse successo, chi una volta svelata la patologia si è allontanato e chi invece mi ha ascoltata in silenzio e subito dopo rincuorata e rassicurata per quanto possibile.

L’inizio di una storia d’amore si sa, è sempre la parte più bella. Hai le farfalle nello stomaco, le mani tremano, il sorriso a 32 denti ogni volta che ci si vede… tutto un insieme di cose che ci fanno sentire a mille! E allora perché rovinare tutto questo lanciando un fulmine a ciel sereno??  Credo sia necessario per capire chi abbiamo davanti e ovviamente dare la possibilità di decidere cosa fare anche al vostro lui/lei. La logica sta nel fatto che anche gli altri devono avere la possibilità di scegliere senza essere giudicati. Nessuno conosce né è in grado di prevedere il futuro e soprattutto chi è malato di SM, o qualsiasi altro tipo di malattia cronica, non può sapere come andrà. 

Riflettendo, capisco che in fondo a noi è stata data la possibilità di capire che “LA VITA NON è TUTTA ROSA E FIORI”. A volte siamo presi da tutto il bello che ci circonda senza badare alle cose veramente importanti, pensiamo che le cose brutte possano accadere solo agli altri. La realtà è ben diversa purtroppo o per fortuna, perché, una volta ricevuto il primo campanello d’allarme, iniziamo a guardare la vita da un’altra prospettiva, iniziamo ad essere più consapevoli, facciamo caso ai dettagli, alle parole, ai profumi che ci circondano, alle persone che fanno parte della nostra vita ed inevitabilmente iniziamo a fare una selezione naturale: quello che ci piace resta, quello che non ci piace, VIA! SCIò! FUORI DALLA MIA VITA! Iniziamo a dar valore al tempo, a come lo passiamo e con chi. 

Il 2018 per me è stato un anno importante, l’anno della mia rinascita. Ho conosciuto meglio me stessa, i miei limiti, ho capito cosa volevo e cosa assolutamente NON volevo.. specialmente da una relazione. Dopo tempo mi sono sentita LIBERA per la prima volta, sentivo di poter fare tutto. 

Quell’anno, durante le vacanze estive in Sardegna incontrai Gianluca, il cognato di una mia carissima amica, Alice, che andai a trovare all’isola di La Maddalena.

Entrammo subito in confidenza, passavamo ore ed ore a chiacchierare, era tutto così naturale, piacevole … il tempo volava in sua compagnia. 

Una sera, dopo cena, Alice decise di rientrare a casa mentre io mi unii a Gianluca e i suoi amici per una passeggiata. Al termine della serata, una volta rimasti soli, Gianluca mi portò a Spalmatore, una baia a nord dell’isola, lontano dal centro. La luna faceva da protagonista e con la sua luce illuminava tutti i profili delle barche a vela ormeggiate, in sottofondo il rumore del mare e il profumo misto di ginepro e ginestra. Rimasi incantata da tutto ciò che mi circondava. 

Gianluca si fece avanti tirandomi a se per il primo bacio. 

La cosa giusta, al momento giusto nel posto perfetto!

Poco dopo mi ricordò che il giorno successivo sarebbe dovuto ripartire per rientrare a lavoro mentre io mi sarei trattenuta ancora per 2/3 giorni prima di rientrare a Bologna. Questo voleva dire salutarsi e non vedersi fino a..? Non si sapeva quando. 

Non avevamo la certezza che sarebbe andata tra noi vista la distanza ma qualcosa mi diceva che dovevo rivelargli subito il mio “segreto” . Non volevo che lo venisse a scoprire da qualcun altro o da un social. Volevo e dovevo dirglielo io guardandolo negli occhi.

“Ti devo dire una cosa!”

Lui mi guardò, era pronto ad ascoltare quello che avrei dovuto dirgli, io al contrario tremavo.

Avevo già detto quella frase, a molte persone, ma è sempre dura ripeterla, ogni volta mi rimbomba nelle orecchie e rimango io stessa a bocca aperta, come se ne venissi a conoscenza in quel momento.

Prima di parlare passarono molti istanti… forse qualche minuto! Un’incertezza che lui non capiva e chissà cosa gli sarà passato per la testa. Mi vide in difficoltà e a quel punto cercò di rincuorarmi e tenendomi le mani mi disse “sono qui, sono pronto ad ascoltarti”.

Presi coraggio e iniziai “ è difficile, ma te lo devo dire stasera purtroppo e forse rovinerò tutto, però meglio adesso che dopo… Ho la Sclerosi Multipla!”

Rimasi immobile a guardarlo, aspettando una sua reazione, un’espressione del viso ma lui alzò le spalle e disse “va bene…”

Pensavo non avesse capito o che non avesse idea di cosa fosse ma subito dopo disse “la medicina fa passi da gigante ogni giorno, vedrai che tra 20 anni troveranno una cura”.

La prima cosa che mi venne in mente? “chissà tra 20 anni come sarò, se starò bene”.

“Affronteremo un problema alla volta e lo faremo insieme”. 

Per conoscerci da pochi giorni sembravano parole troppo importanti, avevo comunque paura, ma decisi di non pensarci, almeno per quella sera.

Il giorno dopo mi fece una sorpresa e allungò la permanenza a La Maddalena per un’altra notte. 

Sono passati più di due anni da quella sera e quelle parole me le ripete ancora oggi.

Sto bene, per fortuna e spero di star bene per molti altri anni ancora e se cosi non dovesse essere si vedrà e affronterò, affronteremo tutto a tempo debito.

Liberate la mente da problemi che non esistono adesso e vivetevi il presente con le persone che amate. Il futuro non si può prevedere ma possiamo vivere a pieno il presente. 

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